Move wedding date up because of mother-in-law's cancer - two weddings? Ettiquite advice please!?

I am in quite a dilemma here, and I need advice. My future mother-in-law was diagnosed with advanced cancer last week and has only been given 6-8 weeks to live. My fiance and my wedding is planned for October of this year (5 months from now). We both very much want his mother to be able to see us be married, but now we are afraid to wait until October for fear that something will happen. We are considering moving the wedding up, but to throw together a wedding and reception in 3 weeks or so is next to impossible, will leave much to be desired, and my guess is that many friends/family would not be able to come because of such short notice. Not to mention booking the caterer, photographer, DJ, finding a dress, etc. and booking a church and reception hall last minute in the midst of the busiest wedding season would be extremely difficult.





The only solution I have come up with that seems somewhat practical is to have a small "parents only" ceremony perhaps in a botanical garden...

Move wedding date up because of mother-in-law's cancer - two weddings? Ettiquite advice please!?
I think it would be fine to have a small civil ceremony, and then a church wedding and reception in October. I would explain the situation to the church to make sure that's possible.
Reply:I think it is wonderfut that you want to be able to share this event with his mother. You can't imagine what it will mean to her. Have a small family ceremony, very simple but sweet and meaningful. Then have the big wedding in October if you want, or a big reception. Who cares what is proper ettiquette? Do what would make you happy. God bless you, your finance and his mom!
Reply:This is absolutely aceptable. Here in Hawaii we have ben doing a lot of weddings for troops being deployed, since there is no time to plan a big wedding for their family and frends back on the mainland, we do a small intimate ceremony for the deployment, then when they return we are doing the full formal ceremony for their friends and family.
Reply:not selfish at all.. but i think if he is close with his mother and you are too that if you don't push it forward you may regret it later on.. esp if on your wedding day your husband becomes upset, feeling bad and regretting that his mother couldn't be there..


on the other hand, it could be a good idea to have a parents only commitment ceremony.. there she can witness you say your vows.. im sure this would make her feel special
Reply:I think it will show a serious amount of class and gratitude to move up the wedding to accomodate your future mother in law. Make it small if you have to or just do whatever it takes to get it done. I didn't have the privilege of having a mother-in-law at my wedding.
Reply:Cancel the October wedding plans, and just have a simple wedding ceremony and reception for family and close friends now.
Reply:make it asap it's not about how elaborate or how many people are there... it's about who's there
Reply:My heart goes out to you in this situation. I think it's a beautiful idea to have a small ceremony for your mother-in-law AND I think you should feel free to continue with your plans for October. Your marriage is more important than your wedding, but it is really meaningful to have your friends and family around you as you start your marriage. My husband and I had a small wedding in terms of budget, but large in terms of guests. My dearest memory of our wedding is looking out at our guests in the church and seeing so many familiar faces gathered from all over the world. I don't think you should feel bad for wanting that experience. Also, make sure that whatever you do, get a great photographer. Those pictures will be so precious, especially with his mom. Follow your heart and you'll have cherished memories for the rest of your life.
Reply:You must ask urself this..... what is more important here, the dream wedding or his mom seeing you joined ?? I hate to tell you this, but it may be to hard on your future husband to get married that soon after loosing his mother... I would suggest you put away the dream wedding and go for a smaller more personal wedding...... it can be put together in 2 weeks or less...... call instead of mailing invites, thos who care will make the time to come, or send the gifts, best wishes, etc...... order the cake Monday, along with simpler menu of foods, and drinks, lower the brides maid and groomsman's count, and make the dressed store bought....... that simple...... it is more important to think of the mom at this time and the feelings of HER family....... I am sorry this is happening, but life happens and we all get thrown monkey wrenches into our dreams..... and we all have to make choices..... if it is possible, you can renew vows next yr for your 1st anniversary........ God bless
Reply:Well, first off I'm sorry about your mother in law...I will pray for her! Second...A nice accepable wedding can be put together in a short amount of time, if you are very tactful....consider having a small wedding and reception with close family members...parents, and grand parents, brothers, sisters, aunts ,uncles, cousins....I planned mine in less than a month! as for the idea of having a simple wedding with just the parents..that is also nice...and it wouldn't be inappropriate to have a "real church wedding" at a later date....but I wouldnt keep the first a secret.... just let those who are invited about the situation!!!! or the idea of the reception at a later date sounds like a good idea...that way those who couldnt make it to the wedding would beable to share in your joy...but remember you will still be hurting and feeling as if someone is missing if you do either of these.....I wish You luck sweety!!! i was recently faced with a simular decision...my fiancee's grandma was diagnosed with cancer...and we both wanted her to be at the wedding..and we considered moving up our wedding date...but we chose not to...due to the fact that there was no way for her to attened.. You are all in my prayers!!!
Reply:go for the small wedding and have the large wedding in October.


When it comes to the small wedding go to a restaurant with your parents to celebrate.


when it comes to October you can have the Larger wedding and then have a big reception. for the ceremony you can have a vow renewal ceremony.


Hope this info helps.
Reply:The private cermony seems like such a wonderful idea! But on another note, my husband and I were engaged for only 4 weeks before we got married in a gazebo in the park n it was a gorgeous wedding. choatic, but it pulled together wonderfully. It you are interested or want advice on how I did it you can email me and ill give you any information you need or want. But I do not in any way see a problem with having two weddings considering the circumstances your in. I really like the idea in fact. If I can help any further, im more than willing to help out in any way possible. Either way, my deepest sympathys to your Mopther-in-law, Congratulations and Good luck!
Reply:Having a small, intimate "immediate family only" ceremony and a larger "second" ceremony in October is probably the easiest and most cost effective solution. If you start changing alot of things now you're going to lose some wedding vendors or service providers due to a conflict, and possibly some deposits. Unless you live several miles away from where the October ceremony is going to take place you need to know that your Marriage License application will be listed in the local newspaper so it is possible some friends or other family members may see your name listed (this is not your choice, this is a public notice) long before the October date and wonder what's going on. My suggestion is: have the small, intimate ceremony NOW so your future Mother-in-law can enjoy the festivities of your wedding day even if they are minimal. I speak from experience I have participated in one or both of these scenarios (a) quiet first ceremony) (b) grand second ceremony for several reasons - pregnancy . . health insurance coverage . . family member quite ill . . and families living hundreds of miles apart. I do have a a few ceremony site suggestions that may interest you for the small, intimate ceremony . . a bed and breakfast with a garden or grand staircase or a Grand Parlor or a nice restaurant with a small banquet room. One other thing . . if you decide to get married now you will need to tell the prospective officiant for the October wedding that you were "legally married" earlier and you are seeking a second "traditional" ceremony Not all ministers, priests, or rabbis are willing to conduct a "second" ceremony no matter what the reason is for the first ceremony. Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
Reply:I had a friend of mine who had a similar situation. What they did was have a small intimate ceremony for parents only and had a really nice dinner afterwards then went ahead with thier usual wedding plans on the date they had planned. You may want to take to your offecient to see if there will be any problems in doing that, but I doubt it. Its like renewing your vows, but only months later. Remember what it comes down to is that your future mother-in-law really wants to see you two get married. If she makes it to the actually celebration that would be great, but she will definitely be there to see the two of you get married.
Reply:My first piece of advice would be to BREATHE!!! I got flustered just reading your post! You are a gracious and wonderful person to rearrage your most special day. I am sure you know a lot of people who are as wonderful and gracious as you are! Ask for help! Set a date that is acceptable (with the circumstances). Then, let the people you trust help you. Find a church that has a cafeteria or reception venue attached to it. Go to OfficeMax and buy blank invitations that match your color scheme and get them out ASAP. Then, find your dress and the wedding party's outfits (try e-bay, they have lots of new stuff for cheap prices). Next, plan the food (it can actually be a pot luck, if you wanted to or just have a local restaraunt that you enjoy cater the food and buy the cake from a local bakery). Finally, go to www.partycity.com or any party supply place and get your decorations. As for music, if your venue has a PA system, have everyone bring a little music that they like and assign one person to switch CD's. I've planned beautiful weddings in less than 48 hours at times for my family and friends and no one has ever been disappointed. Find someone who's organized and trustworthy and let them help you. After all, someone, somewhere owes you a big favor! If all else fails, have a small ceremony to honor those who may not be around much longer, then plan the big wedding as a first year anniversary present to yourself. After all of this, you'll probably need a party!
Reply:I feel so badly for you and your fiance and know you are in a position where you won't be able to make everyone happy, or have them all there... but I think I have to come down on the side of encouraging you to move your wedding date up, even if you don't have the site/dj/caterer you originally planned to have.





When your husband looks back on your wedding and sees his mother in the pictures it will make him much happier than seeing a distant cousin who is still alive to visit another time. Also, if people are having to travel a long way, given the circumstances I think they'd be happier to come to have a chance to say goodbye to the mom while they can, as well as go to the wedding.





It's a difficult choice, but one I think you'll be happier with. Good luck to you both!
Reply:so, your future mom in law gets to see the ceremony, but knows she'll die before your celebration party (reception) because you're more concerned with throwing a big party to impress your friends than include her???? How f-ing selfish.

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